Sonum excitantis, nihil significans

It distresses me how much people like to agitate on the internet—speaking in an incendiary fashion, to no end. There’s even a name for it now—“slacktivism”—the digital equivalent of a fist limply pumped and someone burbling “Yeah, you tell ‘em!” But not too loudly, don’t wake the neighbors, kiddies…

No, distress is my polite little word for when I am fucking pissed out of my mind and don’t want to sound unreasonable. It’s such a neat, fussy little word that you can’t imagine it biting your throat out with the slightest provocation—much like an accountant in that way. I am not “distressed”; prissy capital-L Ladies get distressed when their favorite camisole has some dust on it.

Being angry on the internet is easy, right. I’m doing it now, writing words full of hate and passion and fire, such that just in the writing my mind alights with images of lava plumes and blazing souls screaming for blood; but I am sitting here, calmly, cross-legged on my busted chair.

Would these red-blooded souls rage like they do in the face of some spooks, guns in hand? Because it’s going to take a nation of hotheads with balls so big and iron-clad that they can barely walk to unfuck the nation at this point. It’s going to take a lot, because there’s a lot of poison that needs to be either leeched or bled out of us.

Unfortunately, it’s the very poison that needs to be cured that keeps Americans inactive and complacent—a carefully chosen venom, then, injected directly into the spinal column.

Laziness, for one thing—all of the shit everyone gets up in arms about keeps happening because people are too goddamn lazy to have a healthy democracy, which requires everyone being on their toes, so to speak, constantly. Intellectually they have to be able to grasp fundamental concepts about politics and economics, most notably that ideology is supposed to be a guide, not a rule, when deciding policy.

People have to be energetic enough about democracy to get off their asses and fucking vote in elections, and not just federal ones, either, I mean every goddamned election because those names are calling the shots in your life, one way or another.

Democracy is hard fucking work. There’s no just sliding by in one—and I hate to say this, because this very fact was used to disenfranchise non-landowners for a long time, to wit: the manual laboring classes are too busy doing work to become educated enough about politics and thus, why extend the vote to them? After all, they’d vote for people who want to make us, the landowners, pay them more…

Well, now that the wealthy in this country have convinced half the working poor—at fucking least—to voluntarily vote on how big the stick being jammed up their ass is…turns out the dumbfucks not knowing right from left in macroeconomics and national finance actually turned out for the best…

That’s the poison. Laziness, ignorance, the tendency of people to just want to be left alone, not have to fucking worry about this complicated shit, not have to risk their precious lifestyles…

Never mind that the American lifestyle significantly resembles the hell of at least three of five major religions I care to name. We work longer, producing less, in shittier jobs, than anyone in any nation with a GDPPC even remotely similar to ours. American life is beginning to resemble that of Red China more than Europe—although it should be said that this is because the Chinese government is pretty bright and it sees a good racket when it sees one. Panem et circenses…

Jesus fucking Christ, it’s depressing to live in a nation where a guy laid off from a plant being moved to Taiwan six years ago will threaten to beat the shit out of you for advocating something like the UK’s Dole—never mind that this would literally put money in his pocket, for free—because it would mean we’d have to give up our “rights”. Which rights? Oh, well…it turns out the only possible alternative to our glorious, enlightened Utopia is goddamned Nazis.

My bad. Sorry.

But that's all okay, because some fuckheads trolling each other on the internet will fix it with cherrypicked quotes from the Founding Fathers (on both sides, mind you).

Fuck.

FUCK FUCK FUCK.

New political maxim: "If an analysis of American politics lacks swearing throughout and copious references to sodomy, it's not fucking paying attention."